Life as it Happens

Author: Traci

  • What have you done?

    I tried, I tried, I tried. I will go down with that and why, just why?

    Let me describe what you have done. You sought me out to destroy me from the ground up. The vengence in your heart burns deep. You wanted vindication and to steal my home, my roots. What you gave was validation of the evil you possess. The house will go but the roots are firmly planted.

    The fog holds my head down, my eyes avoid contact with others. Yes, She looks down, ashamed, broken, beaten, wounded, weighed down by all her scars. Why would you want her?

    Be still says the small voice but it is being drowned out by all of the screaming.

    Oh to capture the complete granularity of my loathing of you.

    I cannot

    Do you hear me?

    NO

    Do you see me?

    NO

    Do you know me?

    NO

    Just go away then, will all of the rest

    GO AWAY

  • The Monster

    I let the monster come out from under my bed and slip between the sheets. I don’t know why, what was I thinking? What happened to my logical, rational mind that prevented me from protecting myself?

    I know, you say I should have known better. My friend you are correct.

    Now I see your face and I see the darkness. The hate and evil permeating the fiber of your being. The twisted mind plotting to destroy all who go against you. I will stand up! I will not let you control or ruin me. You have no power over me anymore. You have taken and used and taken some more. Your time is now done with me in your life. Be gone and never look back. I will not be there.

  • Numb

    When speaking of mental health,they say try to recognize what you are feeling. Do not live in the emotion as emotions, your heart, will betray you.

    What if you do not feel at all….what if numbness possesses your body?

    The definition of numb:

    A loss of sensation, a state of emotional detachment,unable to feel emotions or connect with others.

    Causes:

    Experiencing great hardships,chronic stress or  overwhelming situations.

    I understand the definition and the cause.What I do not understand is why this predicament has chosen to be my blanket,my ever present outerwear invisible to  all I would encounter.

    Descriptors:

    Broken

    Messed up

    Lost

    Torn

    Shattered

    Relatable?

    Understandable?

  • A million reasons

    If you had a million dollars to give away, who would you give it to?

    I would pay off my kids debts so I could watch them live free.

  • Blessed

    Big, bold thoughts from church this morning.Sometimes I just kick myself.I know the scripture. I know God’s love.I know who I am in Christ, so why do circumstances knock me down? Looking at the weakness in myself strengthens me and him.

    Be blessed

  • What Matters

    What would you do if you lost all your possessions?

    I stood looking at the rubble of my home, fire had devoured my memories, my comfort, my security. As the sense of loss enveloped me, tears began to fall. So much I could never replace, childhood memories, gifts from long lost relatives. My youth in a box in the attic preserved. Then, with my very next breath, I realized we were alive.We are okay. The real treasures were standing next to me, breathing, warm beings who matter more than any item.I would selfishly store up. I shared my heart, a hug and the love that would never be taken from me.

    What matters

  • Just thinking

    Recently, I was told, I have a big mouth well, not in so many words to which I replied.I have things to say. Well, what is your platform was the question. Feeling passionately about something, but saying nothing equals nothing feeling passionately about something.And expressing yourself with venom equals rage. I want to be heard and if that sparks anger, i’m okay with that.However, recent events have demonstrated disagreeing or disagreements oftentimes produces rage.We all have two ears and one mouth for a specific purpose. ListenBecause the truth is, if you do not stand for something you will fall for anything.I have been found guilty at times of being gullible.I think when you hold hope so tightly to your heart- Sometimes your head does not catch up causing you fall victim to all the propaganda.