Author: Traci

There was a piece of cloth.The cloth was perfect in design and quite brilliant in color, soft to the touch, yet strong and durable. One day a man picked up the cloth and wiped his hands on the cloth. Some of the color wiped away, and a tatter was left along the edge, but the cloth went back to its place. Throughout the years, the cloth went places being used to wipe away multiple layers of filth. Used and tattered the cloth’s journey ended up at a well, Jacob’s well. At this point the cloth had become a rag. A colorless, torn and sad rag. The only thing left on the rag were stains of a loveless life filled with darkness and pain. A man came to the well. He saw beyond the stains. He picked up the rag, embraced it with genuine love. The rag felt unworthy and too weary to trust the motives of yet another man. After all the rag had served its purpose for all who had need and used to the point of complete brokenness. How could someone, anyone, actually care. But this love was different, could it be real? How was the rag to trust, to have hope? Then listening to the man, the rag heard something different. The Man actually saw the rag. He listened and told of a very different life. Suddenly the rag turned back into the most brilliant cloth. The tatters were gone. The filth rinsed away with living water. The cloth was healed and loved, never to become a rag again.

I tried, I tried, I tried. I will go down with that and why, just why?

Let me describe what you have done. You sought me out to destroy me from the ground up. The vengence in your heart burns deep. You wanted vindication and to steal my home, my roots. What you gave was validation of the evil you possess. The house will go but the roots are firmly planted.

The fog holds my head down, my eyes avoid contact with others. Yes, She looks down, ashamed, broken, beaten, wounded, weighed down by all her scars. Why would you want her?

Be still says the small voice but it is being drowned out by all of the screaming.

Oh to capture the complete granularity of my loathing of you.

I cannot

Do you hear me?

NO

Do you see me?

NO

Do you know me?

NO

Just go away then, will all of the rest

GO AWAY

I let the monster come out from under my bed and slip between the sheets. I don’t know why, what was I thinking? What happened to my logical, rational mind that prevented me from protecting myself?

I know, you say I should have known better. My friend you are correct.

Now I see your face and I see the darkness. The hate and evil permeating the fiber of your being. The twisted mind plotting to destroy all who go against you. I will stand up! I will not let you control or ruin me. You have no power over me anymore. You have taken and used and taken some more. Your time is now done with me in your life. Be gone and never look back. I will not be there.

When speaking of mental health,they say try to recognize what you are feeling. Do not live in the emotion as emotions, your heart, will betray you.

What if you do not feel at all….what if numbness possesses your body?

The definition of numb:

A loss of sensation, a state of emotional detachment,unable to feel emotions or connect with others.

Causes:

Experiencing great hardships,chronic stress or  overwhelming situations.

I understand the definition and the cause.What I do not understand is why this predicament has chosen to be my blanket,my ever present outerwear invisible to  all I would encounter.

Descriptors:

Broken

Messed up

Lost

Torn

Shattered

Relatable?

Understandable?

Big, bold thoughts from church this morning.Sometimes I just kick myself.I know the scripture. I know God’s love.I know who I am in Christ, so why do circumstances knock me down? Looking at the weakness in myself strengthens me and him.

Be blessed

Recently, I was told, I have a big mouth well, not in so many words to which I replied.I have things to say. Well, what is your platform was the question. Feeling passionately about something, but saying nothing equals nothing feeling passionately about something.And expressing yourself with venom equals rage. I want to be heard and if that sparks anger, i’m okay with that.However, recent events have demonstrated disagreeing or disagreements oftentimes produces rage.We all have two ears and one mouth for a specific purpose. ListenBecause the truth is, if you do not stand for something you will fall for anything.I have been found guilty at times of being gullible.I think when you hold hope so tightly to your heart- Sometimes your head does not catch up causing you fall victim to all the propaganda.